It's a service I provide. Really.

In the "I do it so you don't have to" category, here's a helpful hint: It isn't enough just to put water and ground coffee in the coffee maker on a Saturday morning. You must also TURN IT ON in order to actually get coffee.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

If only there were applause

So when we got a cat last week (Did I mention we got a cat? No? He's adorable and great with the kids.) there was one thing I didn't anticipate: He's another audience member. Just as my beautiful kids can't help but come to see what I'm doing the moment I'm in the bathroom/shower/on the phone/folding laundry, the cat must visit me as well. I can be sitting and wishing for a cat for long minutes, but the moment I'd like just a little privacy I now have one more potential visitor.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Really it's only half done

Every week I do this to myself. On Fridays, I do a bunch of wash so that we can have clean sheets for the weekend. I do a load here and there throughout the week, but I can count on three or four on Fridays. As I put the last load in the dryer I always think "Yippee! That's done!" Nope. It's nearly half done. The easy half is nearly done. It's not done until it's folded and put away. Perhaps that will get done by Tuesday, when I need the dryer again...

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

It's your choice

I've heard of "Driver's Choice" when it comes to the radio selection on car trips. I've been unprepared for the "Choices" available when you have children.

Me to three-year old: Leave your brother alone when he's going potty!
Seven-year old to me: Pooper's Choice, Mom! She can stay!

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

First the hair, then the clothing

So last week I had a hair mishap before heading to the grocery. This week it was clothing. I actually remembered panties (yippee!) but I put on a favorite pink tank in the locker room only to find it was stained with a mystery substance. It's that stain that I know it's a stain but to others might appear that I'm just not capable of using a cup properly after thirty-odd years of practice. No, I don't know how it got there and I reserve the right to refuse that the idea that I do not, in fact, know how to use a cup after decades of practice is true.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Au Naturale

So this past week I got to the gym with my trusty bag filled with my items for a shower - a shower free of an audience of any kind. That's bliss, baby. So after my solo shower, I'm getting ready to head to the grocery store and find that I'm missing something. It appears that my daughter "helped" me unload my bag without my knowledge and removed my hairbrush. It was not my best hair day at the grocery store. Sadly it wasn't my worst, either.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

The best laid plans

All day, I have planned out what chores need to be done and when. Meals, gym time, laundry, dishes, child maintenance (playing, bathing, benign neglect) and the like are all neatly scheduled to be completed by the time my husband comes home. This is done in hopes that he can have a happy few minutes with the kids before bed and so that we might be able to enjoy a few moments together before passing out ourselves about 10 p.m. So imagine my dismay and surprise when I get to the "dishes" portion of the day and open the dishwasher to put away clean dishes. Only the dishes are decidedly NOT clean. What on earth could be wrong with my brand spanking new dishwasher that would make it leave the dishes this dirty? I begin contemplating how to cash in on the manufacturer's warranty when suddenly I realize exactly what's wrong.

I never put soap in and turned the dishwasher on this morning.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Something I should be grateful for, but I'm not.

So I have another little blog over here. I should be thankful that while my daughter refused to nap today, she is in a perfectly pleasant mood. I am NOT. She is three and mommy still needs the sanity break time to watch crappy television off the DVR time to get stuff done. The least she could do is be a little monster by 5:45 and prove that she still needs the nap...

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

I got nothin'

Okay kids, I know I've been absent. We went on a wonderful vacation to the beach. I could tell you about how I was afraid to get on the scale at the gym this morning (it wasn't too bad, actually), but that is only because we ate so much amazing food that I didn't have to prepare. I could tell you how the entire family is sensitive skinned and therefore red and splotchy, but that's only because we had so much fun at the beautiful beach building sand castles and playing in the surf. I could tell you that I did laundry ON VACATION, but that was only because there was a washer and dryer in the condo and we only had one small load of laundry to do when we got home. I'm sure that this last week before school starts up again will bring the funny trials that I expect from daily life, but today I got nothin'. XOXO

BALLS

It's 100 degrees in the shade on my back porch and we are leaving for an eagerly awaited vacation on Sunday. And my AC isn't working properly and every repair place is busy. Because it's 104 as a high today. And I can't be here for someone on Monday. BALLS.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

First, second, third, fourth...

We are going on vacation next week and that, frankly, is AWESOME. What is not awesome about the week leading up to vacation? Getting ready to go on vacation. I'm a list maker when it comes to making sure that we have what we need. I can't grocery shop without a list and I wouldn't dream of packing without one either. Not just clothes and underwear and socks and sunscreen and stuffed friends for sleeping. A laundry schedule, shopping list (what will we eat with no leftovers, what will be take, what will we want to have the night we get home), acceptable restaurants and activities at our destination. I think I must be super-fun to live with this week.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Say a little prayer for me

So the seven-year old went to a church music camp this morning (he loved it!) and one of the activities was a craft. He made a prayer cup on which the kids were to write the name of someone who was mean to them, so the kids could pray for the "meanie". Um, okay. I guess I can get behind praying for our enemies. But what name did my son put down as his person for whom to pray? His three-year old sister, 'natch.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Memo

TO: Preschooler
FROM: Mom

All the screaming, hitting and crying at nap time doesn't help your case that you do, in fact, NOT need a nap. Rather such behavior confirms that your napping is not only a good idea, but extremely necessary. In the event that we could trade places, I'd be happy for someone to shove me into a dark room with a bunch of fluffy stuffed animals. Please fold the laundry and refrain from climbing over the back of the couch.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

You can too actively ignore something

Today I have:

* dropped and broke my water bottle at the gym, effectively delaying the start of rowing class by several minutes.
* attempted to discover the best way to de-seed watermelon as there were no seedless available at the grocery yesterday.
* colored Elmo and My Little Ponies while actively ignoring the fact that my toes badly need to be repainted.
* frozen trash.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Nerdy, Late-Night Edition

I was just watching Conan and they had a Voldemort look-a-like on. He spoke and I told Josh he was more like the weird uncle on The Adams Family than Voldemort - something about the cadence and raspiness of his voice was wrong. Oh my word, I'm a big ol' Harry Potter NERD.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Captain Readerpants

Mom needs a little time to herself to maintain her sanity, so daily my daughter takes a nap and my son reads. My son is now reading chapter books on his own and I'm SO thankful that means I no longer have to read Captain Underpants. At least until my daughter is old enough to want to read them.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Hear, hear

I just had to put my hand on the dishwasher to make sure it was running. (It was.) I know it's been a long time since we have had a dishwasher that was reasonably quiet, because the kids are amazed. By the dishwasher. Perhaps I shouldn't have waited to replace it until the old one became destined for the crusher.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Let there be (efficient) light

When we moved into our house, lo those five plus years ago, there were light bulbs in the fixtures. They were the normal bulbs and not the lovely (and cooler in rooms with lots of bulbs - important in my hot climate) energy-efficient bulbs that I would have purchased. It seemed so wasteful to just pull out the old bulbs that worked fine and how long could they last, really?

Evidently a long, long time.

Today I treated myself - the eight hot light bulbs in my bathroom are replaced! Perhaps I shouldn't wait five years to treat myself like this again. Aren't I worth $10 in bulbs? Don't answer that.

Heavy machinery

I was helping my daughter learn to use the appropriate amount of sanitary paper today. We have been talking about how two squares (and not ten) is plenty for number one. She was meticulously folding the tissue and announces, "I makin' an airplane, Mommy!" I'm going stop right there.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Where for art thou?

I was sorely disappointed today when I got a package in the mail from Hanes today. My unmentionables arrived, but the super cute clearance bathing suit that I ordered was no where to be found. A closer inspection of the packing slip revealed that the suit order was canceled. Canceled! Do I really have to go to a store and try one on? Oh, the agony.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.