Memo

TO: Preschooler
FROM: Mom

All the screaming, hitting and crying at nap time doesn't help your case that you do, in fact, NOT need a nap. Rather such behavior confirms that your napping is not only a good idea, but extremely necessary. In the event that we could trade places, I'd be happy for someone to shove me into a dark room with a bunch of fluffy stuffed animals. Please fold the laundry and refrain from climbing over the back of the couch.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

You can too actively ignore something

Today I have:

* dropped and broke my water bottle at the gym, effectively delaying the start of rowing class by several minutes.
* attempted to discover the best way to de-seed watermelon as there were no seedless available at the grocery yesterday.
* colored Elmo and My Little Ponies while actively ignoring the fact that my toes badly need to be repainted.
* frozen trash.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Nerdy, Late-Night Edition

I was just watching Conan and they had a Voldemort look-a-like on. He spoke and I told Josh he was more like the weird uncle on The Adams Family than Voldemort - something about the cadence and raspiness of his voice was wrong. Oh my word, I'm a big ol' Harry Potter NERD.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Captain Readerpants

Mom needs a little time to herself to maintain her sanity, so daily my daughter takes a nap and my son reads. My son is now reading chapter books on his own and I'm SO thankful that means I no longer have to read Captain Underpants. At least until my daughter is old enough to want to read them.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Hear, hear

I just had to put my hand on the dishwasher to make sure it was running. (It was.) I know it's been a long time since we have had a dishwasher that was reasonably quiet, because the kids are amazed. By the dishwasher. Perhaps I shouldn't have waited to replace it until the old one became destined for the crusher.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Let there be (efficient) light

When we moved into our house, lo those five plus years ago, there were light bulbs in the fixtures. They were the normal bulbs and not the lovely (and cooler in rooms with lots of bulbs - important in my hot climate) energy-efficient bulbs that I would have purchased. It seemed so wasteful to just pull out the old bulbs that worked fine and how long could they last, really?

Evidently a long, long time.

Today I treated myself - the eight hot light bulbs in my bathroom are replaced! Perhaps I shouldn't wait five years to treat myself like this again. Aren't I worth $10 in bulbs? Don't answer that.

Heavy machinery

I was helping my daughter learn to use the appropriate amount of sanitary paper today. We have been talking about how two squares (and not ten) is plenty for number one. She was meticulously folding the tissue and announces, "I makin' an airplane, Mommy!" I'm going stop right there.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Where for art thou?

I was sorely disappointed today when I got a package in the mail from Hanes today. My unmentionables arrived, but the super cute clearance bathing suit that I ordered was no where to be found. A closer inspection of the packing slip revealed that the suit order was canceled. Canceled! Do I really have to go to a store and try one on? Oh, the agony.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining

Fun way to start the day. Boy lies about a water bottle that he didn't want to drink at his excursions yesterday:

Instead of telling me the truth - which turned out to be "I wasn't thirsty for it" - he lied:
"I couldn't get it open."
Did you ask for help?
"Yes"
Who did you ask?
"(adult in charge or keeping an eye on him)"
Why didn't he open it?
"He couldn't - it was too hard"
And then I opened it while driving.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Oh, so smooth

The upside to having a sick baby who sits in your bed? Clean sheets on a Monday was an exciting way to start the week.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

"Cootied" is too a word.

It's a good thing my daughter is cute and getting over an illness. Otherwise I'd be really irritated that she was up for two hours in the middle of the night and now she gets to take a long nap while I wash the sheets that cootied up with her sickness.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

The agony and the... Antibiotics

Strep in the house. One finished antibiotics and the little one spiked a fever. At least it's not a virus what must be waited out, and we got the sushi (takeout) and a movie (DVD), that we'd planned to have while the babysitter would have put the kids to bed. It's not the same as going out, but we did see an Academy Award nominated film. From 2006.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Tastes like chicken

I was busy in the kitchen and my daughter decided it was time to finally taste it. She looked like some sort of deranged, pre-school vampire when she was done - replete with dripping teeth and dirty fingernails - and we had had to throw away all the pink. Play-doh was deemed yucky. Very, very yucky.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

It's like a baseball to the crotch...

Very exciting afternoon around here - America's Funniest Home Videos and pantry cleaning/reorganization. We are equally disgusted and entertained, though I'm not sure which activity is providing the most of either.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Potty girl

I'm potty training my daughter. (Right there. That's a reason not to be jealous.) She thought it would be funny to say that she couldn't get her pants up and came running to the living room with her little privates exposed and her pants around her ankles. You know it was funny - the first 10 times she did it. It's no longer funny - particularly when we have company - but she persists. She's like the Martin Lawrence of potty humor.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

The pain and the agony

My oldest had a fever and is now on meds to get better. My day is going to be filled with video games and animated television of his choosing. The variety of inane theme songs stuck in my head today is staggering.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

Perchance to dream

I slept in this morning! 6:45 a.m. It was amazing.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.

I'm a super-fly killa

In the past several months I have killed flies with the following items: magazine, book, pot holder, towel, hair brush, spoon of spaghetti sauce.

Don't be jealous of my fabulous life.